She recruited 98 couples who kept diaries for up to a year. What an amazing time that was as every day men and women would send through their diary entries, often in the middle of the night. Each morning she would leap out of bed to discover what happened the night before. Her book reporting on their amazing revelations – The Sex Diaries – has helped many couples start conversations and find solutions to this huge source of tension in their relationships.
Read the first chapter of The Sex Diaries.
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Here are some reader comments
Just a quick note to thank you for your book “The Sex Diaries.” What a turning point it has been for us. We needed it. We like many of your couples in the book had bedroom battles but we have now turned the corner after reading your book and have a better understanding for each other’s needs. We have learnt a lot and communicate much better. My husband doesn’t think I am “weird” anymore, just normal. I have said all along he is a normal Aussie bloke, just needs to have it, hahaha! I have folded the pages that are us to a “tee” and will be sure to refer to them from time to time.
I have just finished reading “The Sex Diaries”. The lightbulbs will be switching on to make us all more understanding, feeling more normal, be more satisfied with expressions of love and less hassled by being “hit up” for it. I want to be one of the couple making love to my dying days. Cheers to you Ms Arndt… and many thanks to the brave souls who shared.
Paul Sheehan, writing in the Sydney Morning Herald
Anyone who feels sexually underdone, underwhelmed, over it, deprived, bored, clapped-out or just quietly cosy should know that you are merely living a normal couple’s life. All this, and more, is underlined in a book published today, The Sex Diaries, by Bettina Arndt, who has been a professional thorn in the side of feminist victimology for many years. Read more
The Sex Diaries in the UK
Later that year, in September 2009, The Sex Diaries was published later in the UK and caused quite a stir: UK sexologist Flic Everett, writing in London’s Daily Mail, said that reading The Sex Diaries changed her attitudes and made her realise she had previously lacked compassion for men.
“It’s been too easy for me to counsel women to have sex only when, where, and how they want it regardless of their partner’s feelings. The Diaries aren’t really about sex at all but about the emotions that surround sex with someone you love – fear, intimacy, gratitude, guilt, resentment, loneliness, hope.” Read more
The Sex Diaries in Ireland
Bettina’s book tour included a trip to Ireland and an appearance on Irish broadcaster Ray D’Arcy’s top-rating radio program. Broadcaster Ray D’Arcy was most taken by Bettina’s ‘just do it’ idea – which proposes that a partner with low sex drive should explore whether they could sometimes enjoy lovemaking without desire. He launched a week-long ‘sexperiment’ – encouraging fellow Dubliners to ‘just do it’ and see if it worked for them. The program was been flooded with enthusiastic texts and emails:
“Making the effort was worth it. Tired and grumpy, we still had a great time. He sent me a text this morning saying thanks for loving me last night. Made my day… and his I presume. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“We decided to try the sexperiment. Started last night. Had more fun in the last 12 hours than in the last 12 months. We’re taking a sickie today.”
“Watch now, in nine months Ireland will have a major baby boom! Oomagh!”
After the program returned after its summer break the following month, the producers were greeted by emails from eleven couples announcing they were indeed pregnant… including one delighted couple who had been trying for five years to have a baby!
The Sex Diaries has been published across the world – in Israel, Finland, Russia, Brazil, with negotiations underway in many other countries.