I’ve made a new video – about The Politics of Bonking. It’s all a bit of fun but also raises some serious issues about how feminism is distorting research into the most intimate aspects of our lives.
To explain a little more. We’re living through an era of what Germaine Greer called “veritable clitoromania” where feminists for decades have been promoting the idea that the clitoris is the gold standard of women’s sexual response and the vagina is dead in the water. According to many feminists, women who climax easily during bonking are simply a figment of men’s pornographic imagination. The joys of bonking have been redefined as masculine self-indulgence – men exercising patriarchal power over miserable, clitorally-deprived women.
There’s a funny story which sums up the problem at the heart of this issue. This comedy skit from a British comedian Jenny Lecoat is all about women not being easy to please in bed.
It goes like this: ‘He, labouring away, pauses to ask, “Are you nearly there?” “It’s hard to say,” says she. He plunges on. “If you imagine it as a journey from here to China, where would you be?” She considers. “The kitchen.”’
To me, the point of that skit is that giving women sexual pleasure isn’t always easy. Lots of women are hard to arouse. Plenty of women don’t reach orgasm regularly if at all, many have trouble coming during intercourse. For men it is different. Of course men have problems too.. with erections, with coming too soon, with orgasms sometimes. But as we all know, most men really enjoy bonking – shagging, screwing, the act of sexual intercourse which has been the most obvious way of making love for most of us throughout history – partly due to its role in reproduction
What we never hear about anymore is that there are plenty of women who also into traditional rumpy-pumpy and prefer to come that way. Yet these days such women are being treated peculiar, a very rare, almost extinct species. There’s a constant stream of misleading statistics being promoted greatly exaggerating the numbers of women who require direct clitoral stimulation to climax, and denying the substantial numbers who enjoy vaginal orgasm.
I hope you find this a welcome change from the grim topics I so often cover in my videos. It includes fascinating research such as brave couples who had sex in MRI machines, showing that in the missionary position the penis bends like a boomerang bringing it into contact with the area of the famous G Spot. Other research investigating how spinal-cord injured women still reach orgasm revealed a different nervous pathway for vaginal orgasms.
As a former sex therapist, I find it most irritating that this most intriguing of topics is distorted to promote the ideological fashion of our times – demonising the lovemaking most men enjoy.
I’d really love it if you could all work hard to promote this video. We’re really pleased with it – and a big thank you to my producer Scott Korman and researcher Irene Komen for all their hard work pulling it together.