Lost Mojo

Finding your mojo

Very interesting story from one of my recent dating clients.  I’d been working with a Melbourne woman, helping her put together a lively profile and select great photos. Just as she was all set to put her profile up on RSVP she went to a dinner party and met a man.  Within days it was on for young and old.

She’s even had a rash on her chin from three days of non-stop kissing. Quite embarrassing for 50 year-old – but her lovely new partner has now learnt to shave a little more often.

It’s intriguing how often this happens. People starts to think seriously about online dating and potential dates start popping out of the woodwork.  I discovered that last year when I was giving advice to three women who were blogging about their online dating experiences on Wendy Harmer’s website – thehoopla.com.au

Soon after she started, Lou Lou, our 34 year- old, discovered all sorts of men in her normal life started approaching her. “I’ve found my mojo rising! It is red-hot and on fire, people!” she wrote, suggesting that she had internet dating to thank for that: “This time last year my love life was barren and dry, not even a cheeky wink to wet my whistle. Now, I have more action than a Masterchef kitchen.”

Lou Lou’s explanation was that “internet dating has reminded me that male attention makes me feel alive and buzzing. But in order to receive it, I must be open to it. That means I’m now considering men I wouldn’t have looked at in the past. It’s like shopping and stumbling upon animal print. I normally wouldn’t consider it but now I’ve given it a go, and guess what – it looks and feels good!”

So many of the people I work with have gone for years with a sold sign on their foreheads – they simply weren’t interested in meeting new partners and that message came through. But after starting online dating, they start to think differently, they send out a different vibe and their mojo kicks in.

As my successful client points out, the process of writing her profile and thinking through what she was really looking for in a man also helped her be realistic about her priorities. She got real about not expecting a man to tick all her boxes and decided what she really wanted was banter – a man who offered lively, intelligent conversation.  And she found that, in a man who once might not have appealed to her but with her new mindset, really lit her fire.

3 Responses to Finding your mojo

  1. john condliffe July 4, 2013 at 11:15 am #

    Enjoyed this post, is it really about letting go?

    • Bettina July 4, 2013 at 11:26 am #

      I don’t think so, John. It is more about changing your mindset from thinking of yourself as not on the market to acknowledging you are looking for someone. And being active about it. I also think there’s an important process of thinking through not only what you want in a partner but your own market value – whom you can realistically hope to attract. That process means you find yourself looking at people who would previously have passed beneath your radar.

      • robert bosco July 25, 2013 at 11:08 am #

        Hi Bettina I heard your story on the radio about online dating I have been separated for about 2.5 years I have lost about 10 kgs and I need help with my profile on a dating site thank you kind regards Robert l