luke warm photo

Far more than Luke Warm Sex

The ABC’s recent series, Luke Warm Sex, was a great idea. It was a brilliant concept to take a nerdy man who is scared of sex and teach him what it is all about. Particularly when that nerdy man is comedian Luke McGregor who’s built his stand-up routine around the fact that he’s only had sex twice.

It had great potential for comedy but also a chance to help the many people out there who are floundering between the sheets. Well, we have just reached the end of the series and the result is a bit of a disappointment. Highly entertaining, yes, but a little too crazy and haphazard for the sexually awkward to really find their feet…let alone know what to do with their dangly bits.

I wrote about the programme for The Australian recently describing the adorable 34-year old star. “His endearing frankness and charm produced in me an irresistible urge to take him home and teach him everything I know. No doubt many women react similarly and there must be heaps of far younger, cuter women lining up to take him in hand. “ Read more of my article on Luke Warm Sex

For me, the best thing to come out of the programme was discovering Cyndi Darnell, a Melbourne-based sex therapist, one of the experts who appeared in the show and really stood out as extremely impressive. She’s shown in the programme introducing Luke to the G Spot using a gorgeous vulva puppet, which intrigued me.

Well, I followed this up and discovered Darnell is the star of one of the most inspiring series of videos about sex that I have ever seen. The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal is an online video adult education series featuring the vivacious Darnell explaining a range of fascinating topics:

  • Understanding the Erotic Anatomy of the Penis.
  • Everything you need to know about the vulva
  • The hidden world of the G Spot, Orgasm and Ejaculation.
  • A beginner’s guide to pleasurable and healthy anal sex.

Darnell very effectively uses humour and her unique light and chatty manner to teach us all about understanding and pleasuring these regions of the body. She shows us around the sexual anatomy using wonderful diagrams and even more important, incredibly explicit photographs.

I marveled at the great shots of the man’s perineum with Darnell showing exactly how best to apply pressure in that region to increase male pleasure. I loved the sequence teaching you to handle the penis – which gave me some great ideas! Plus the incredibly clear photos showing the different discharges emerging from the cervix at varying stages of the menstrual cycle – so reassuring for any woman who has wondered if her messy knickers are normal.

I really recommend the whole series very highly. But one small word of warning: Darnell often works with the LGBTI community and is careful not to use feminine pronouns when referring to a woman’s vulva – explaining that not all people with vulvas see themselves as female. She’s similarly averse to talking about “his” penis. I understand her position but many people are going to find it more than a little odd to risk alienating the majority for the sake of making 0.3 per cent of the population feel more comfortable.

For similar reasons she tells us very little about intercourse – arguing it gets more than its fair share of attention. It’s an interesting thing that so many sex therapists like Darnell believe most women can’t climax in intercourse – hence their whole approach is to reassure women this is quite normal. It’s fair enough to help all women learn to be comfortable with their own patterns of arousal but there’s good evidence that the majority of women do climax vaginally and it’s annoying for them to have their own reality denied in this way. Here’s an article I wrote about this some time back – The Story of Oh!

Such minor quibbles aside, I do suggest everyone checks out the Sex Atlas series. Perfect start for a sexy afternoon between the sheets.