I have been very distant from my husband for a few weeks. I am usually the chatterbox in the relationship. I asked him to give me some space and ease off the pressure, I even suggested that he not think about sex for a while. I said that I was serious as I was concerned about the future of our marriage. I was the one thinking of leaving because I thought I was going to crack in this pressure cooker marriage, and I wanted to see him happy with someone who could give him what he needed the most (that has to be the corniest line ever, but I actually fantasised about him in the future looking adoringly at someone else and me being happy because he is happy). He reassured me that we are together forever and he backed off with the pressure for the first time in about 5 years. I also read Leedox's posts in the letter on this forum "So many women like me". Leedox gave me hope. After about 5 days of very deep and withdrawn thinking, I don't know where it came from but we had sex, initiated by me, twice in one day. I really enjoyed it! I am nervous and a bit shocked about my feelings and the result. Especially considering the feelings I had been having about sex if you had read my earlier posts. He has gone away to work for 4 days and I am looking forward to him coming back so as we can have sex! The poor man is jokingly saying over the phone each night that he is still recovering. I have been honest to him that I am nervous that we are just back in the cycle again, but I do feel differently. It is mainly because of him backing off and also I had changed my thinking because of Leedox's experience. I envy the horny females who contribute to this site and go one about how much they love sex, I really do. Fellas, there are women out there who genuinely love their man and are trying to make the marriage work, just not sure how to go about it. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Please have hope and try everything. Maybe the men could do with more input from the girls on this site?

regards

I was so pleased to read the last post, Heartofglass.....such a different space for you, wanting him to come home to have sex.

Is great that you can communicate your nervousness to him....keep up the conversations, whether you feel vulnerable or not - in my experience...my vulnerability has always been respected and honoured, and things have changed because of it.

Yes, it would be nice to hear from women, but I thank you for speaking your mind and sharing your journey.

I hear what you are saying re "us women who enjoy sex"....have got no answers as to why I am like that....I did for many years, think that I was normal...and every woman was like that...but when out of my long term marriage and into the single world....guys have let me know that it is not the norm.

Please don't ever think that I want to compare....that is certainly not the case. I celebrate your journey, and am excited for any positive change !!!
Velvet xx

Excellent news Heartofglass.. Giddy up!! Still think you should get away for a few days

So glad things are looking a little better for you heartofglass. You really couldn't keep on 'just doing it' when it was causing you such extreme psychological pain. That can only lead to serious damage and you mustn't do that to yourself. Clearly there is an underlying problem and I really hope for your sake that you get that sorted out.

Velvet, once again I'm with you. Until probably the last two years, I had no idea that most other women didn't throw themselves robustly into sex as frequently as they had the opportunity. I, too, thought that I was roughly the norm. I suppose we all do. What absolutely blew me away was when my partner told me that in a twenty-year marriage, he had had sex with his wife about three times in the last fifteen years! I was totally gob-smacked and wouldn't have believed it except that she had said something similar in a different time and place. I had no idea that anyone could have a relationship like that! I also wonder why you would want to; may as well get a flat-mate. I am now trying to make up for that fifteen year drought with him; it's going to take a while!

Any further updates Heartofglass??

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I don't get how he thinks - why does he think you should have orgasms and you don't. What gave him that impression? I think you are in denial any man who says the things he has said to you is arrogant and selfish and not someone that any women would want.

Wake up and really see him for what he is. Sex is all about him, that is not the way it works, he is the one who needs the books and sex therapist. I'm going say very bluntly that you are responsible for your present situation, he is treating you the way you allow him to treat you.

You need to sit him down and tell him you have no intension of being used by him and that his notions about sex are wrong. If he gets angry ask him for a separation, and if he still does not change divorce him. You are not a porn actress to be taken off the self to perform for him! No loving man would say and do the things he does. If you don't find a was to stop this misery you will end up in divorce which may not be a bad thing. At lest you get this arrogant destructive man out of your life. Let him get out there and try to find a women who will put up with him for more than a few months.

You are deluding yourself about his character. You are also deluding yourself about other areas of your marriage, if he treats you badly about sex then he treats you badly in other areas of your relationship but you may be too afraid to admit it and you allow it. Take a good look at your life this is not about sex, you are in a severely dysfunctional and abusive relationship and your are allowing your self to be treated badly and used. , and be strong and do what you need to do and don't allow yourself to be debased.